“Jesus, why do I want when you’re all that I need? Take my eyes and make them yours. Take my heart and make it yours. You are the giver, creator, destroyer. Mold me. Make me. Shape me.”
Tonight my heart longs for the presence of God. There’s a very real brokenness I feel in the very depth of my soul; something far greater and stronger than I’ve ever experienced before. I feel as though I am going through a renewing process – and maybe that requires the breaking of the old me. Breaking old ways of thinking. Breaking old habits. The breaking of plans I’ve made and dreams I’ve dreamed. Unfortunately this breaking process is happening at a very lonely time in my life, making it much more difficult to bear.
“The enemy has been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down. We’re gonna lift our voice in victory, we’re gonna make your praises loud! Shout out to God with a voice of triumph! Shout out to God with a voice of praise! We lift your name up! We lift your name up!”
It brings me a great deal of comfort knowing that in my hour of despair, the Lord is very near. To know that the God I serve is not disconnected from me, or uninterested in the pain I feel. His love endures, regardless of my circumstances. The realization is slowing coming over me that the love God has for me is far beyond anything that could ever be measured. Though I’ve turned my back Him countless times, His grace has never failed to embrace me. This love is too great to understand! This love is too much! A great joy has washed over me just as I am typing this!
I have no idea what new things the Lord is doing in my life, and right now I do not care to know – I only care to experience Him and His presence. For the first time in my life, I feel perfectly content just to be in His presence. For so long I’ve felt the need to constantly be doing things for the Lord. It’s nice to feel like I am being called to sit still and simply enjoy His presence.
Ages have passed since my last blog entry.
For those of you who do not know, I’ve recently decided to stop the operation of I Love Evelyn. It was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made, but I am sure it’s the right one. I’ve endured so much pain and brokenness throughout the last year. Just typing that gives me a sense of freedom. I’ve felt the need to keep a straight face. To pretend like everything was okay, and that I had it all under control. But the truth is that the events that have taken place over the last year have hurt me and broken me in ways that I cannot even yet fully imagine. And to be clear, this hurt and brokenness was not caused by my homeless friends and neighbors downtown. They brought me nothing but joy!
If you were somehow involved with I Love Evelyn, please know that I appreciate you! It was such a great joy to have the opportunity to serve alongside so many people who had a passion to love and minister to the broken. It encouraged me to know that there are followers of Christ out there who are eager to take the gospel to the dirty and pushed aside.
Over the next couple of months I’ll be spending most of my time in the presence of the Lord, hopefully being healed and re-discovering who He created me to be. I am excited to have the opportunity to go before the Lord with an empty slate. I’ll be finishing up the book I’ve been working on since the beginning of time, and I am taking a small part time job as a sub teacher at a local school district. I’ve also been given the opportunity to speak at a few churches, encouraging them and helping mobilize them to do ministry on the streets.
God is good. Regardless of my hardships, He’s good. His love endures through my failed plans. And while this feels a lot like the end of something, I know in my heart that the Lord is just beginning with me. And that’s exciting.
Love Chad.
“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
2 Corinthians 5:14 – 15
Often I ask myself, “what compels me to live in the way that I do?” Why do I do the things that I do? Is it the love of Christ that has ignited a passion in my heart? Or is it something else? Is it the love of Christ that compels me? Or is it the love of other things?
If I were to argue with someone, is it the love of Christ compelling me to do so? Or is it my selfish desire to be right that is compelling me? If I feel anger towards someone, is it the love of Christ that is compelling me to feel that anger? Or is it the enemy compelling me to feel that anger?
Over and over again this week I’ve felt compelled to do and say things that I know weren’t from Christ. I can say without a doubt that it’s been one of the most difficult weeks in my entire life. My character has been questioned. My passion has been called a fluke. When you’re under attack, what are you compelled to do? Defend yourself. But throughout this week I’ve learned that my desire to defend myself is not a desire that my God is giving me. I’ve been reminded that, just like 2 Corinthians 5 says, that only Christ should compel me, not the things of this world.
For those of you who have called and sent messages to encourage me, please know that I appreciate you very much! I’ve appreciated the support, but I do ask that if you plan on supporting me or supporting I Love Evelyn, please do so in way that is glorifying to Christ. I don’t think it would helpful to be represented by people who claim the love of Christ but live the opposite way. When Jesus said to love our neighbor, that command extends into all groups of people – regardless of race, sex, or whether or not they are our enemy.
It’s been over two years now that I’ve had the privilege of working with men and women in need, and I can say without a doubt that I love it more than I ever have!
The love I have for my homeless family downtown Texarkana can only be explained by God. It brings me great joy to see them each day, and I love nothing more than to listen to them. And when they are struggling, my heart breaks for them. I know, I know.. this probably sounds like some corny post. But I just feel so very blessed to still be passionate about what it is God has called me to. So often I see other people working with homelessness who lose their passion and zeal.
The road has not been easy. The city of Texarkana has been making it difficult to move forward, and we’ve been trying our hardest to make things right. We’ve even recently had a facebook group start saying that our passion for Christ and for the men and women in need is misplaced because I Love Evelyn doesn’t stay open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. It breaks my heart that our desire to love and take care of men and women in need is coming under fire from the city and other Christians alike.
I’ve never pretended to know exactly how to go about taking care of the homeless. I’ve messed up plenty of times. I am learning, trying to figure out how to best meet the needs. That’s why I Love Evelyn as an organization has been such a mess – I am not an organized guy! I don’t know how to run an organization! But I do know that I love my God and I love my homeless friends, and that passion is what moves me forward each day. I feel as though God is slowly granting me wisdom on how to deal with things that I encounter.
When I started working with men and women in need, I thought it would be difficult. Surprisingly my homeless friends have not been difficult at all; it’s been the people on the outside.
To all those who think that I Love Evelyn has created a homeless problem downtown, or to those who think that I Love Evelyn is misguided in our mission, I apologize. I assure you it was never my intention to bother you or cause you any discomfort. All I’ve ever cared about was ministering, loving, and providing needs for men and women in need. I don’t care to make waves. I don’t care to argue. I just want to be involved in the lives of those people who are in need.
With or without the organization I Love Evelyn, I will still work with people in need. I don’t need an organization to do that. It’s my dream. My passion. My calling. My God given purpose. And I will continue to pursue that at any cost.
On April 21st, 2010 at 11:27 am, my beautiful daughter was born. Her name is Eisley Mae Matthews.
Twelve hours have passed since she came into this world, and there is almost too much going on in my head for me to properly articulate it. To even try seems to do injustice to her.
Here’s what I can say; it was love at first sight!
Like almost all things, this sort of love brings me back to my homeless friends on the streets. They are the sons and daughters of someone. Can you imagine your son or daughter living under the bridges of America and eating out of garbage cans?
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.’ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” Luke 22:42-44
What must it be like to know that you’re about to encounter death in a gruesome, horrible, degrading way? To know that you will be mocked by the ones you love? Laughed at, slapped, and berated? Nailed to a piece of wood and hung from the skin of your hands and feet?
When I think of my savior in those moments on the Mount of Olives, praying in anguish, knowing his death was near, but asking the Father if there is any other way… it breaks my heart. It hurts to think of the pain He endured. It also reminds me of the love He has for me. A love that goes so far beyond my understanding and comprehension that I can do nothing but stand in awe before it. His love not only set us free from the grips of death, but it gave us the freedom to live a life full of opportunities to love and serve others into the presence of our Lord and Savior.
For me, the cross and the love Jesus for me demands a life in response. How do I respond to the fact that Jesus died on a cross because I am sinful? How do I respond to what the word says in John 3:16 – that God loved me so much He gave His only son so that He could spend an eternity with me? How do I respond to the love Christ has for me?
By opening my heart to him daily, giving him permission to mold me, to burn away the things that are not of him. By confiding in Him, and seeking His wisdom in those times when I am not sure what to do (and even when I think I may know what to do..) By constantly pursuing more understanding of His love for me through reading the truth found in the Word and through prayer and meditation.
Lastly, I respond to the cross and the Saviors love for me by loving and serving others who are in need. The 3,500,000 homeless men, women, and children throughout America who have been pushed aside and neglected. The millions of young men and women who have been forced into sex slavery across the world. The children in Uganda who are kidnapped and forced to fight in a war they have no stake in. The billions who are caught up in a lie that there is no God, and no way into the presence of a loving Savior who died for us… There is so much injustice and need that we are living in the midst of, and we’ve been given the opportunity through the love of Christ to respond to that need just as Jesus responded to our need for Him.
Be reminded that easter is more than just the cross and resurrection – it’s an opportunity to recognize that WE can love and serve the hurting, homeless, lost, and abused into the presence of the Lord. Through the power of Christ, we can be a part of the healing process for the hurting. Through the power of Christ, we can be a part of the life change that homeless man on the corner needs. Through the love of Christ we can see those who don’t know the truth have their eyes opened. The cross gives us the opportunity to love, to go, to believe, and to serve. Not for the sake of social justice, or any other trendy word – but for the cause of Christ. To make Him famous and known.
Let’s honor the cross this year by loving those who are homeless, abused, and have been forgotten. Get involved with others who are already working on those areas. Let the relationship you enjoy with Christ change the lives of those who have all but given up on life.
Life over the past couple of months has been much different than ever before. Change is happening in every part of who I am. The way I think about the things around me. The way I feel about God and how I think He feels about me. My vision for the millions of homeless, hungry, and broken men, women, and children around the world. My eating habits. How I feel about the church in America.
There’s so much change. Sometimes when you go through such drastic changes, it’s easy to forget who you are, or who God created you to be. If you’re like me, you ask that question daily… “God, who am I? What did you create me for?” Those are questions that are slowly being answered through the stories of the bible, circumstances, and prayer. For so long I just looked to other people to figure out parts of myself. But lately I’ve realized that God created me uniquely, unlike anyone else. And that my calling and purpose while on this earth is going to unlike that of anyone else.
My heart for the homeless, hungry, and broken continues to grow, and with that there’s this dangerous desire to be angry at the people who do not yet care. Many of my young brothers in Christ who are advocates for the homeless are angry – angry enough to blame the church and call american christians phonies. That used to be me. I used to blame the church.. call pastors fakes.. call christians hypocrites.. ignore organized religion. But for what? How is my anger towards the church helping the church? Isn’t it love that creates change? Even though my brothers and sisters in christ across America may be off track, does that give me the right to condemn them? No, it does not. Love must always prevail, and grace must always reign down – just like it did on that day that our Savior Jesus Christ died on the cross.
I Love Evelyn is going beautifully, even though we have zero money. This is a difficult time for the economy, and I just don’t have the heart to beg for the money to keep the place open. God has always provided in creative ways, so I’ll just trust that He’ll continue to do that.
The short documentary we’ve been working on for over a year is nearing completion. Stay tuned for more information on that.
Also, my book is finally coming along! The book cover has been designed and the book is being edited by a very talented and good friend of mine who’s good at that editing thing. It’s exciting to be in the final stages of working on the book! If you haven’t heard, the book is titled, “Dear Evelyn,”
Pick it up when it comes out! Help support me and the millions who have been forgotten on the streets of this country we live in.
Piles and piles of stories are building up in my life, each one deserving to be told. Stories of redemption being found by the broken men and women on the streets. Stories of apathy being carried around by people who find it easier to judge and cast aside the lives of those who are homeless. Each story as equally as powerful as the other, but in complete opposite ways.
Some days I feel blessed to be a part of the story. Other days I wish I didn’t know the story.
Soon I will share with you these stories. For now, good night.
“I don’t know much, but I know about love, and how it hurts me to give up.” The Classic Crime
If you’re reading this, you probably know me. Or you’ve heard about I Love Evelyn. You know that I spend my days on the streets with men and women who are homeless, and burdened by the spirit of oppression and homelessness. You might think I have it together when it comes to homelessness. That I understand what it means to be patient, kind, loving, and Christ like towards all men and women whom I come into contact with on the streets.
A few days ago I kicked a trash can. It was full of trash and sitting in front of I Love Evelyn. I kicked the trash can as hard as I could, quickly toppling it over, spilling half empty bottles and cigarette buds all over the doorstep of the ILE building. I kicked that trash can because one of the homeless men who spends time at ILE was being hateful. Instead of reacting with love, I got angry and kicked the trash can. Better yet, I walked into ILE mad, announcing to everything that I could be hateful, too.
Sound like a guy who loves Jesus, and loves spending his time ministering to, and loving on men and women who’ve got nothing? No. Not at all.
I spent the rest of the afternoon sure that I was done with I Love Evelyn. “How can I spend the rest of my life pouring into men and women who treat me like that?” I thought to myself. I wanted to harbor those feelings of anger towards that man who had hurt me. I wanted to kick him out. Ban him. Tell him off.
That night, the words of Jesus haunted me. Love your neighbor. Love your enemies. Lose your life. I thought of my savior on the cross, dying a death for me and you despite our shortcomings and the fact that we still turn our back on Him. I thought of how my homeless friends had been hurt. Neglected. Pushed aside. Given up on when things got tough. I thought of the unconditional love of Christ and how that I should pursue loving people in the same way.
It was a humbling situation that made me realize that apart from Christ I can do nothing, just as John 15:5 says. I am human – an a emotional one at that. I don’t have it together. Even though I’ve spent the last 2 years of my life on the streets with thousands of homeless men and women, I am no different than you. I struggle. I want to judge. I want to give up.
But I am always reminded by the glorious love that Christ has for me and you. And that love always encourages me to continue to move forward in my pursuit of loving and serving homeless men and women.
I firmly believe that we, as followers of Christ, have the ability to love and serve people INTO the presence of Christ.
Hopefully my trash can kicking days are behind me. Unfortunately for me, there is some muscle in my left leg that continues to remind me of what anger does. What a silly man I am!
- Chad
Over the last couple of weeks the I Love Evelyn staff has been working on establishing a new vision and mission, as well as a new way of thinking concerning our day to day affairs while at I Love Evelyn. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been blessed to have the opportunity to hire two full time staff members, Sean Minton, and Kenneth Price. Sean will be overseeing the day to day ministry aspect of what we do, and Kent will be overseeing the concerts and awareness part of what we do.
We took a week off to pray and figure out what exactly the vision and mission was for what we are doing this year. Keep reading to see what we came up with.
VISION:
Complete restoration in the lives of every homeless and oppressed man, woman and child in the world.
MISSION:
We fervently believe that the conditions of homelessness and oppression are not merely physical and social issues, but stem from deep emotional needs. Sexual abuse, abandonment, divorce and other types of broken relationships are the direct causes of homelessness and oppression. We expect to reverse these conditions through:
*Providing loving, Christ-centered relationships by befriending, listening, laughing with, and ministering to every single person we come in contact with. We accomplish this by committing to share our everyday life with those in need.
*Providing the basic needs found in Matthew 25, which are: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, inviting strangers into our lives and breaking the chains of those in bondage.
*Being the voice of justice and fairness on behalf of our homeless and oppressed friends to ensure that they have equal rights.
*Breaking apathy by making people aware of the realities of homelessness and poverty through the mediums of art and music.
*Meeting the larger, more specific needs by taking the time to invest in people, helping us to better understand the nature of their needs.
We continually achieve these goals by opening up buildings in the heart of the need within each city. These buildings are a place where people are welcomed in and treated like family. This is key in reaching out, providing consistent relationships and meeting the needs that are placed in front of us. We believe that love is the answer regardless of the question.
