Love, and keep going.

The fumblings of a man pursuing love. | February 11, 2010

“I don’t know much, but I know about love, and how it hurts me to give up.”            The Classic Crime

If you’re reading this, you probably know me. Or you’ve heard about I Love Evelyn. You know that I spend my days on the streets with men and women who are homeless, and burdened by the spirit of oppression and homelessness. You might think I have it together when it comes to homelessness. That I understand what it means to be patient, kind, loving, and Christ like towards all men and women whom I come into contact with on the streets.

A few days ago I kicked a trash can. It was full of trash and sitting in front of I Love Evelyn. I kicked the trash can as hard as I could, quickly toppling it over, spilling half empty bottles and cigarette buds all over the doorstep of the ILE building. I kicked that trash can because one of the homeless men who spends time at ILE was being hateful. Instead of reacting with love, I got angry and kicked the trash can. Better yet, I walked into ILE mad, announcing to everything that I could be hateful, too.

Sound like a guy who loves Jesus, and loves spending his time ministering to, and loving on men and women who’ve got nothing? No. Not at all. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon sure that I was done with I Love Evelyn. “How can I spend the rest of my life pouring into men and women who treat me like that?” I thought to myself. I wanted to harbor those feelings of anger towards that man who had hurt me. I wanted to kick him out. Ban him. Tell him off.

That night, the words of Jesus haunted me. Love your neighbor. Love your enemies. Lose your life. I thought of my savior on the cross, dying a death for me and you despite our shortcomings and the fact that we still turn our back on Him. I thought of how my homeless friends had been hurt. Neglected. Pushed aside. Given up on when things got tough. I thought of the unconditional love of Christ and how that I should pursue loving people in the same way.

It was a humbling situation that made me realize that apart from Christ I can do nothing, just as John 15:5 says. I am human – an a emotional one at that. I don’t have it together. Even though I’ve spent the last 2 years of my life on the streets with thousands of homeless men and women, I am no different than you. I struggle. I want to judge. I want to give up.

But I am always reminded by the glorious love that Christ has for me and you. And that love always encourages me to continue to move forward in my pursuit of loving and serving homeless men and women.

I firmly believe that we, as followers of Christ, have the ability to love and serve people INTO the presence of Christ. 

Hopefully my trash can kicking days are behind me. Unfortunately for me, there is some muscle in my left leg that continues to remind me of what anger does. What a silly man I am!

- Chad