Love, and keep going.

Presence. | September 30, 2010

“Jesus, why do I want when you’re all that I need? Take my eyes and make them yours. Take my heart and make it yours. You are the giver, creator, destroyer. Mold me. Make me. Shape me.”

Tonight my heart longs for the presence of God. There’s a very real brokenness I feel in the very depth of my soul; something far greater and stronger than I’ve ever experienced before. I feel as though I am going through a renewing process – and maybe that requires the breaking of the old me. Breaking old ways of thinking. Breaking old habits. The breaking of plans I’ve made and dreams I’ve dreamed. Unfortunately this breaking process is happening at a very lonely time in my life, making it much more difficult to bear.

“The enemy has been defeated. Death couldn’t hold you down. We’re gonna lift our voice in victory, we’re gonna make your praises loud! Shout out to God with a voice of triumph! Shout out to God with a voice of praise! We lift your name up! We lift your name up!”

It brings me a great deal of comfort knowing that in my hour of despair, the Lord is very near. To know that the God I serve is not disconnected from me, or uninterested in the pain I feel. His love endures, regardless of my circumstances. The realization is slowing coming over me that the love God has for me is far beyond anything that could ever be measured. Though I’ve turned my back Him countless times, His grace has never failed to embrace me. This love is too great to understand! This love is too much! A great joy has washed over me just as I am typing this!

I have no idea what new things the Lord is doing in my life, and right now I do not care to know – I only care to experience Him and His presence. For the first time in my life, I feel perfectly content just to be in His presence. For so long I’ve felt the need to constantly be doing things for the Lord. It’s nice to feel like I am being called to sit still and simply enjoy His presence.